Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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