Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So squirting runs in the family.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
