i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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