i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
