OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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