she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
