loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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