Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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