You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
