i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
