Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
