this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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