did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
