Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
