Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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