I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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