I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
