I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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