she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
