Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
