One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
