Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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