Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
