We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
