I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
