soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
