If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
