When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
