you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
