Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
