Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
