it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
