This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
