Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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