TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
