he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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