Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
