And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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