I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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