I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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