how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
