yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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