I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
