I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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