Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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