life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
