She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
