we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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