i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
