Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
