Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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