College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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