i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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